feels like home to me
I had an interesting chat with a fellow church member the other day (actually I do not know where his/her current church membership is). (S)he said that one day (s)he had gone back for a visit to Covenant, second time since our split, and was sad because both times, it no longer felt like "home". This person went on to say that New Hope "doesn't feel like home yet either". For this person, the sanctuary was what made the church not feel like home at New Hope. I imagine that the only thing which has really changed about Covenant's sanctuary is the people in it (and the numbers), so the difference there intrigued me.
I started thinking about why New Hope does feel like home to me. It is obvious that it quickly felt like home to my children (considering that Covenant is the only church home they have ever known--Michael was a baby when we came here--I kind of expected them to be sad to leave, but they weren't). Why is that? I certainly don't think the building is homey. Is it because the programs have moved over? That may be part of it, but I doubt it, because those of you who know me know that I am happy to tear a program down to its core elements to strip out what doesn't work, and we have been doing that. We started in the new building without programs, actually, and are only now getting ready to start them up for the fall, some with pretty major changes.
The conclusion I have come to is that what makes New Hope feel like home is not the location, the building, or the programs: it's the people. My family moved to New Hope--my church family--and because of that, New Hope feels like home. We could have met in a gymnasium, like some other New Wineskins churches have done, and as long as the people came, it would feel like home. I think this has been true for a fair number of us. I know of at least one family which was not planning on coming to New Hope, but is now here, and I am reasonably confident that their presence can be traced to the fact that the people they loved as part of Covenant's body have come over, too. As a church, of course our first loyalty and allegiance must be to God and his glory, but I think many of us choose our church because we believe it's important to be part of a community. And that community, those people, become family, and family is what feels like home.
So, does New Hope feel like home to me? The building doesn't, I confess. But when I sit in that building on a Sunday and see my family in the pews around me, then I have to say that yes, I am at home.
tags:
church,
people we like,
what i think
10 comments:
I stayed at Covenant and honestly, I've gone there my whole life and it doesn't feel like home anymore because my "family" left. But, I know that if I went to New Hope I would feel uncomfortable and out of place with the people that used to make Covenant home to me. Everyone asks me if I'm a member of youth group and I don't know how to answer them honestly because I feel somewhat betrayed and abandoned. It's probably not how I should feel because I wasn't really. We just had differing beliefs. But, I think I feel betrayed because the separation was messy and I don't think it should have happened the way that it did.
I agree with you that church shouldn't be about the building you meet in, but about the family and community and fellowship you're able to experience there. But, I don't think I feel that anymore and I think it will be hard for me to feel that again from any church because of this split.
I also want to say that this whole split has somewhat cut of my ties and relationships with all of you: you, Andy, Krissy and others. And, I feel bad about that. I just really feel terrible about everything that happened and how it played out.
I also stayed at Covenant, and frankly, I'm not happy. I don't feel the same at all. I feel like some of the people in my life that I loved the most, as well as felt loved by, left me. Honestly, it's not church anymore for me. The program and people I joined Covenant to be surrounded by are not there any longer.
I miss being a part of that church family. I miss Krissy, most of all. I miss our weekly meetings, her Taylor and I. It helped a lot.
I really wish this whole thing could've happened differently, or better yet, not at all.
Taylor and Kaela - wow. Thanks for this. Thanks for letting us honestly know some of your experience and how you feel: it humbled me and make me realize some things. I wanted to say a bit to each of you - so I wrote you both on email, off the blog here. Please let me know if you don't get it.
grace and peace - Andy
The bottom line Andy, is the whole thing was sad and not necessasry. Out of the mouth's of babes.
that would be necessary.
I have to agree with anonymous that the whole thing was sad and not necessary. The folks who truly disagreed with the pc/usa could have documented their disagreement and then gone to join a church more in line with their beliefs. This is the United States where people have a degree of freedom in choosing their place of worship. Obviously the two who posted above have been hurt & disillusioned about organized religion. That's a shame. I do give them credit for publicly sharing their thoughts. Andy, why don't you address their concerns publicly. There may be other kids who are confused & sad, but don't have the courage to speak up. Just a thought.
It is not only the kids who are confused and sad, but alot of the adults who do not understand why their wonderful church had to go through this division and followed their friends, and now wonder why they are where they are. Adults who have been through this sort of thing can keep their eyes on Jesus, but children and teens will be greatly affected for a long time to come. It will take quite some time for some of them to heal, and be able to rededicate themselves to a particular church. Where there were was one church, now there are two spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ. That is about the only good thing to come from all of this. Prayerfully, they will both move forward in spreading the Gospel.
Dear anonymous:
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. I must say I don’t usually enjoy comments where the author doesn’t identify her or himself. I hope you will feel the freedom to identify yourself publicly (as you give the two above credit for doing - two whose candor and honesty I have always valued) or at least reach me privately at andycornett-at-gmail-dot-com if you want to talk to me off-blog.
That being said, I do want to reply to your comments (though I don’t know if I am addressing one or more people).
“I have to agree with anonymous that the whole thing was sad and not necessary. The folks who truly disagreed with the pc/usa could have documented their disagreement and then gone to join a church more in line with their beliefs. This is the United States where people have a degree of freedom in choosing their place of worship.”
Sad? Yes. Unnecessary? I don’t think so. Of course people have the freedom to choose their beliefs and place of worship: we could say that of anyone. But where the leadership of a church has consistently struggled for several years with its relationship with the larger denomination, is convinced that leaving that denomination is a wise, important, and faithful move, and wants to truly lead its community and keep its integrity together: do you really expect it to "document disagreement" and tell its people to scatter to the four winds? At Covenant we did not want to see anyone go or leave – we wanted to stay together as a community (albeit in a different denomination) that loved Jesus Christ and loved one another. That’s why we went through the process of the vote: so that our community could try to stay together. The PC(USA) would not allow that, and forced people to make a choice – stay or go. Hence the split.
“Obviously the two who posted above have been hurt & disillusioned about organized religion. That's a shame.”
Of course it’s a shame when anyone is hurt – especially in the name of religion. It’s a downright tragedy. I can tell you there were wonderful people hurt on both sides. But as far as “organized religion” goes – I hold it to be of little value. It is the relationships we have with Christ and with one another that count as truly important – and those transcend denominational loyalty! In my opinion, part of the mess in any denomination is due to the slide more into “organized religion” rather than the mission of God worked out in local communities.
"I do give them credit for publicly sharing their thoughts. Andy, why don't you address their concerns publicly. There may be other kids who are confused & sad, but don't have the courage to speak up. Just a thought."
As do I – their honesty both impressed me and made me think. As for addressing their concerns, you should know that our church took many months to discuss this in safe and patient space with one another and we gave everyone ample opportunity to speak up both in public and private. In hindsight I (and probably others) should have done a better job in following up post-split – and I probably bear some responsibility in not doing that very well.
"It is not only the kids who are confused and sad, but alot [sic] of the adults who do not understand why their wonderful church had to go through this division and followed their friends, and now wonder why they are where they are. Adults who have been through this sort of thing can keep their eyes on Jesus, but children and teens will be greatly affected for a long time to come."
I cannot speak for anyone else’s questions or confusion. I can only say again that we tried very hard to thoroughly explain the issues and explore the options (while not allowing it to consume very moment of ministry!). I’m not sure who the “they” (above) refers to. But in my observation of others, it has been every bit as hard for adults as for teens. To be honest, it is not just about being a “wonderful” church: it is about discerning the leading of Jesus Christ through his Spirit and having the courage to follow. That may mean we have sharp disagreements, but I hoped that was the question everyone was seeking to answer.
"It will take quite some time for some of them to heal, and be able to rededicate themselves to a particular church. Where there were was one church, now there are two spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ. That is about the only good thing to come from all of this. Prayerfully, they will both move forward in spreading the Gospel."
I can only say Amen! to that - may it be so!
Grace and peace
Andy
For all intensive purposes I am an outsider to what has gone on at Covenant in recent years. That being said, I am not completely oblivious and what has gone on recently is nothing but a further degree of what went on there while I was in regular attendance. The composite of the church over the past 10 years has changed drastically. Perhaps the recent schism is the result of people becoming too caught up with their children and their everyday lives to notice the change taking place and the true feelings of those next to them in the pew. Rapid expansion of the church as it became increasingly associated with parishioners of class and wealth only contributed further to this rapid transformation.
It should be obvious at this point that I have been a member of Covenant for quite some time. It should also be apparent that I have, as of late, taken issue with not only Covenant’s transformation but also with many aspects of “organized religion.” Upon closer examination my issues with “organized religion” stem from something which is an irreconcilable feature, forcing me to either turn my back upon it or accept it and ask God for the patience to overcome. This feature is the human element. It should be no secret to anyone that human fallibility is something for which there is no cure. And since the cornerstone of the Church is of flesh and bone what more are we to expect.
Due to the necessity of human fallibility in the church I don’t blame anyone for their actions, however misguided and self-interested they might have been. It’s unfortunate that a rift caused by the ideological beliefs of two groups has called into question the faith of two children. It’s unfortunate that people were so caught up in the fight that they didn’t notice that people’s feet were being stepped on and that their feeling were being hurt. I applaud you Andy for your efforts to address the concerns of these young ladies but perhaps greater foresight on the part of the exiting clergy and congregation could have prevented this from happening to them and others like them.
Still, there is no guarantee that this will repair trust broken or mend fences. Innocence has been lost and that’s a shame. As someone who for a great while turned my back upon the church out of disdain for the actions of others, and who thought that somehow in quiet deliberation I might find a way to more clearly voice my dissent, I will tell you that the one good thing to come out of this split is a reinvigoration of my spiritual beliefs and a renewed hope in the church to overcome it’s inherent short comings and would assume that those at New Hope are feeling the same given their aptly chosen name. I pray that others will eventually receive the same reinvigoration since that is the purpose of the church. It is a gathering of flames which together can illuminate the world, flames which strengthen one another and are there to light a fire in the hearts of those whose flame has gone out.
That being said I would ask all those involved in this separation to exercise great patience in their assessment of the struggle that both churches have undergone and to clearly divorce their frustrations of the handling of matters from the ideological differences which separate the two groups. I’m sure this will prove to be a difficult task but with the Lord anything is possible.
I apologize for being yet another contributing anonymous writer but I’d rather not colour my comments with any past involvement or lack there of with either the church or any of the previous contributing writers. I would however ask that this dialogue be continued in this public forum except where deemed necessary because of issues of privacy, for no reason other than personal interest in the matter.
Dear anonymous,
Thanks for this. One of the things I like about blogs is that they can sometimes be a reasonable forum for letting people make their views known. Thanks for your generosity, patience, and charity in these comments - and your reading of both churches. To be sure, I (and others) did notice that on both sides people's feelings were hurt and feet stepped on, and we lamented that fact. I hope we can do more than lament and help to heal. I join you in praying that both churches become places where the Holy Spirit lights a fire of mission that carries them out into our community and world. I am glad to hear that your own beliefs have been strengthened through this time. The strange mystery is that God has chosen to embrace the human element in his church - astonishing that we can be so capable of either shutting out the lights or reflecting his glory! Here's hoping for the latter!
grace and peace
Andy
Post a Comment